My kinda place

After the Indian High Commission had proof of my return ticket and Steve bunged them a couple of Trickbaby's cd's (not even in India and the baksheesh has started) they finally relented and granted me a visa to The Motherland.

First Trickbaby hit Mumbai checking into the Oberoi at 3.30am as a German strolled towards the lift with a Bombay dazzler on either arm. Things got racier the next day where over an aloo paratha and masala tea breakfast we met the super spikey cutey Raghav (must find out what moisturiser he uses - his skin is so soft).

Jeevan was proper lusting after him - Steve on the other hand was quite taken with MTV VJ Anousha. See we were in India to do some gigs in Hyderabad, Bangalore, Chennai, Delhi and we started off in Mumbai where we were set to open at MTV's Style Awards. During sound-check there we were stood on this platform with weird fibreglass trapeze artists suspended in the air above us while below the models were getting bitchy. "You only have to walk in a straight line yaar", "I saw your shoot in Elle magazine, your eyes looked so puffy". The show had a circus theme - we spent ten minutes watching a troupe of midgets trying to three-wheeler up a ramp that was too steep for their little legs to pedal up. I was dressed in sequins courtesy of some designer who didn't bother to find out what shape I was and in a show of defiance I finished off the Punjabi disco queen look with my black leather gloves. I pinned punk badges all over Jeevan's black satin corset and we kicked off proceedings in inimitable Trickbaby style.

Rekha was there, Hrithik was there, Sanjay Dutt, Preity Zinta, loads of Khans - Firoz, Salman, Fardeen. we were nearly in the dressing room next to Anil Kapoor until Ishaa Koppikar nicked it. Raghav kissed me, Jeevan was jealous, we danced all night even to the dodgy techno and came to the conclusion that Bombay can hold it's own . Hooked up briefly with Bobby Friction who was staying in Juhu doing some documentary on Indian Rock bands (likely story - I think he was out there working on an Indian love connection.) Loads more promo and gigs in Mumbai and did MTV's Select with the lovely Nikhil - many nights out thanks to DJ Suketu who made a great host.

Those late-night excursions pretty much saved the trip to Bombay from being just a series of air-conditioned car rides to air conditioned studio's to air-conditioned venues to air-conditioned hotels. We left it still craving to walk the hot dusty streets and maybe get a waft of the roasting corn on Chowpatty beach.

Same thing in Delhi except this time we were holed up in the Sheraton Maurya getting fat on Mughlai food and having ayervedic massages, post gig club sandwiches and idli samber breakfasts. We were being driven everywhere and we were starting to feel bloated, except for Em who was miraculously managing to survive on Himalayan Mineral water and a bag of brazil nuts. The best gig we did in Delhi was at the "Dublin" - my racing driver friend told me it used to be a really hip club until they made it an Irish theme pub. He also told me some other stories about eating human flesh, stealing formula one car parts and the Delhi dating scene which will keep me forever entertained. Made loads of friends and a few fans and left Delhi to do Jaipur where Steve was nicknamed Lungoor by Munnu Kasliwar, scion of one of India's most prominent jewellery families (he showed me round the site of his new night-spot "Hot Pink's" where he promised he'd invite Trickbaby to play).

Found heaven on earth in the Aravali Hills - the place is Devi Garh and it's more zen palace than hotel.Here I am with Poonam the most serene woman on the planet who serves up the best daal coconut soup ever.

We did the Taj Mahal, got sick on petha and returned to Delhi where BBC's India correspondent Navdip Dhariwal and her crazy brother took us on a night out which involved ruffling the dhoti shalwars of New Delhi's well heeled at The Olive Club. Glasses were smashed and hearts broken suffice to say.

Developed an obsession for Jamawar shawls, tried on a million antique kundun chokers "just for fun" and stumbled on a funky designer in the Shahpur Jaat called Parvesh Couture who does amazing bead corsets and fish tail lengas (I would have bought something from him but he legged it off to Rishikesh and in the meantime his tailor messed up my outfits but don't hold that against him coz he's a real talent and a little mad)

Talking of mad, Goldie Hawn was in our hotel checking out locations for her next movie project.

Spent the last few days cruising Chandni Chowk, Paratha Wala Guli, Nizamuddin Dhurga, you name it we did the glitzy, the smelly and the sacred. I've seen enough forts, temples, palaces, mosques and minarets to last me a lifetime. I've watched beautiful Indian sunsets dip into the mountains, listened to Zakir Hussain/ Ravi Shanker and Chants of Shiva on the car stereo at full volume. I've suffered the "Mucchur" bites and the buffalo shit and I love it all. India is my kinda place.

Talking to the movie people about us doing some more film stuff in Bombay and there's a plan being hatched for us to do our next video out there which suits me just fine. Maybe I'll ask my new mate Kevin Spacey if he'll cameo in it.

And before anyone moans about me not bringing back the Bombay barfi and brass Ganesh statues I promised them - our excess baggage came to nearly £1000 so something had to give at Check-In. Thanks to the Lufthansa staff at Delhi for taking all our money, next time we're flying with British Airways.